"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up..."
Posted by c3 , Friday, February 13, 2009 2:52 AM
This week has been nothing short of ridiculous. I've had Ingrid Michaelson singing in my head all week, "All I can do is keep breathing..." That is seriously how I've felt. I hate being in weird moods because it's so unlike me and I don't like how I am and I don't like how other people react to it. It's just not fun. I am slowly learning that I can't always fix everything. As much as I would like to be able to, it doesn't always work like that. That's been really hard for me to grasp this week.
On another note, I'm going home this weekend to talk to my family about moving to S. Korea. I am really dreading it. I know that they will love me and support me no matter what. But it breaks my heart to think that I will miss some really big events in their lives while I'm gone. I realize that high school graduation might not be the biggest deal in the big scope of things, but to my sisters, right now, it is. This is something they've worked hard for and I want to be there more than they can imagine.
This whole "moving to Korea" decision has been really hard for me to make. I really think it's where God wants me but I'm not quite okay with it just yet. I am starting to figure out why I think He wants me there. Over the past 21 years, I have never been too far from home. Obviously, I did go to Africa but I texted my mom everyday while I was there. I find so much security in having my family and friends in close proximity to me. One of the reasons that I chose Missouri State was so that if something happened, I was only an hour and a half from home. It is going to be really hard for me to leave everything I have sought comfort in for my entire life. But maybe that's what I need right now. My biggest fear is that something is going to happen to someone and I am going to be on the other side of the world. Just thinking about it makes me want to put my hands over my ears and start humming so that I can't hear God telling me to go...
But nothing's final yet. I haven't even applied. I'm going to finish my resume and update my testimony and hopefully send it off next week. The coming weeks are going to be really busy. GAL's spring rush will be getting into full swing. I'm co-leading the rush class Bible study. We're going to be covering Nooma videos and I'm SUPER excited! Invisible Children is going to be coming back into town and I am so excited to be helping out with that. Spring break is coming up super fast and that means Kim's wedding will be here way sooner than I'm ready for. And in 90 days I will walk across a stage and recieve a diploma. I seriously cannot believe it has been 4 years since I got here.
I'm going to conclude with some songs that have really been talking to me lately.
"Keep Breathing" by Ingrid Michaelson
"Before the Worst" by The Script
"Where the Story Ends (Piano Version)" by The Fray
"Crack the Shutters" by Snow Patrol
"In This Diary" by The Ataris (where this blog title comes from)
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