winsome abandon

"You're under lock and key, all by yourself."

Posted by c3 , Monday, April 6, 2009 10:08 PM

So, I like keys. Like a lot. It's something that just started about a year and a half ago. People ask me why and I still don't really know. They cover the walls of my room and I'm just now starting to figure it out... maybe.

The last 6 months or so I've started to realize how closed up I am. For the most part, I consider myself a pretty open person. However, that only goes so far. Just within the last month or so it has become blatantly obvious how guarded I am. And that's not necessarily a bad thing. Except now that the time has come for me to start letting down my guard, I am really struggling.

So, I'm thinking part of my obsession with keys, subconsciously of course, is that I'm locked up really tight. I have really been fighting the urge to run away and hide from the world because if I'm being vulnerable then I'm making myself open to being hurt. And that is really scary. I'm much better at not letting people in. I have a hard time understanding all these concepts. I need to realize that I deserve to be loved. That seems simple enough, right? Ha. But I'm working on it...

The last few weeks have been awesome. Spring break was incredible. It was so much fun being a tourist in my hometown. I haven't had that much fun at home in a really long time. Staying up late every night, watching tons of movies, and just hanging out was something I totally needed. School is getting crazy. Inevitably. Graduation is 37 days away and I have no idea what I'm going to be doing. That's scary. And kind of exciting.

All in all, my life is really great right now. I am so blessed.

songs from "Recently Played"...
"Lock and Key" by Sandra McCracken (title comes from this song)
"Goodbye Waves and Driveways" by The Rocket Summer
"If I Fell" by The Beatles performed by Evan Rachel Wood (Across The Universe Soundtrack)